|  | This moment in Jewish history is challenging. (Ahem, even more challenging than trying to make Jews laugh on Purim this year.) But T'ruah: The Nuanced Rabbinic Call for Negotiated Bilateral Ceasefire Which Must Include the Release of the Hostages, Humanitarian Aid, and a Two-State Solution (Also Bibi Must Go!) is here for you. We bring you: |
| A Very Brief Guide
to Not Losing Your Sh*t Right Now INSIDE: |
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| | How to Talk to Your Kids About Israel | As American Jews, it’s never been harder to teach our children about Israel in a way that feels honest yet age-appropriate. Here are some simple guidelines: |
| 1. Choose a calm time when you have their full attention. For ages 3-8, this may mean waking them up in the dead of the night. 2. Start by asking them what they know about Israel. They may say “nothing,” in which case make a mental note to call the Hebrew school in the morning. Or they may say, “I know Hatikvah!” And launch into a thin, high rendition so achingly sweet that you need to excuse yourself to sob in the bathroom for a minute. |
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| 3. Splash some cold water on your face and give yourself a long, hard look in the mirror. You're the one who chose to bring Jewish children into this broken world, aren't you? Now get back in there! 4. Explain that Jews have a special connection to the Land of Israel, which isn't exactly the same thing as the State of Israel. If they ask what the difference is, explain that God promised the Land of Canaan to Abraham thousands of years ago. If they ask what Canaan is, explain that it's what they used to call Israel. If they ask whether you mean the Land of Israel or the State of Israel, give them a time out. 5. Explain that Palestinians also have a special connection to the land, and have lived there for hundreds of years. They may say, oh so Jews were there first? Explain that that is not exactly true, that Jews lived in the Land of Israel for a long time, but most left thousands of years ago and lived in a bunch of different places all over the world, but it didn't go that well, so now they're back. If they ask what went so badly for the Jews, pretend you're choking and excuse yourself to get a glass of water. 6. While hiding in the kitchen, go on Instagram and check if popular child psychologist Dr. Becky ever explained how to talk to your kids about Israel. She did not. 7. Pick up a stuffed elephant and a teddy bear. Say, "Mr. Elephant wants a capital city in Jerusalem, but so does Mrs. Teddy Bear. But uh oh, here comes Mr. Bunny. He doesn't even live there, but boy has he got something to say." Yes, this is good. This is very good. 8. Back up a bit and explain antisemitism. Explain that some people don't like Jews. But not them, people love them. Tell them you were just joking. List all of the people who love them. 9. Don't talk about the Holocaust. Don't talk about the Holocaust. Don't talk about the Holocaust. (Or do??) 10. Explain that Israel is super-duper complicated, but the main thing is people need to treat each other nicely and it's bedtime now so we will have to continue this discussion tomorrow after baseball or next Thursday or never. |
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| | Fighting Antisemitism with Hot Pink Billboards | | | | | |
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| | Lessons from Other West Banks and Green Lines | Given how fraught the situation is in Israel and Palestine, we might draw inspiration from how other populations are able to live in shared society, despite the presence of West Banks and Green Lines that separate them. |
| The West Bank of the Hudson (also known as New Jersey or, to some, Bergen and Hudson) is home to a high density of refugees who have fled impossible housing costs in New York City. Relations are amicable, unless you cut someone off on the GWB approach. The populations regularly and easily travel back and forth to visit family and friends, work, shop, and mock each other’s accents, despite living under sovereign governments with self-determination for two peoples, both free and secure. |
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| The Twin Cities offer an example of freedom of movement on their Green Line, which originates from the West Bank of the Mississippi: “The METRO Green Line… has three stations on the U of M campus: West Bank, East Bank and Stadium Village.” They also pride themselves on being “a cosmopolitan center for world cultures and cuisines: 14 Places to Eat at Along the Green Line: Hop on the METRO Green Line to dine around the world on a restaurant crawl.” |
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| Washington, DC’s Green Line divides the centers of the executive and legislative branches, demonstrating some of the benefits of a gridlocked government. (Political scientists refers to this as “checks and balances.”) Further north, you can see where the line jogs west, indicating how simple it would be to draw a map where East Jerusalem was under Legislative control. |
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| While recognizing that no two situations are identical, it is instructive to note that there are many rivers with two banks in close proximity to a sea. Perhaps the solution for Israelis and Palestinians will come from one of them. And if you're not buying that, how about some... |
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| | Wild Ideas for Solving the Conflict (That Just Might Work!) | Once again, we’re in that phase of “Yeah, but guys, this time how do we really solve the Israel-Palestine conflict?” – a trend that comes back every 7-10 years like low-rise jeans. Despite the incredibly feasible solutions offered by the experts on social media (“Just get rid of [7 MILLION ISRAELIS/ 7 MILLION PALESTINIANS]”), we think it’s time to get more creative. Here are a few of Truah’s game-changing answers to the Greatest Conundrum of our Time: |
| QUANTUM GEOPOLITICS According to quantum science, an atom’s electrons don’t have a fixed location in space, but are rather in constant motion. This means an electron’s position can only be identified as a probability of it being there at any given time. Similarly, Israelis and Palestinians – both seeking to occupy the same land – can both have it simultaneously, with the specific people’s occupation probabilistically depending on the moment that we choose to observe. CON: Due to “quantum entanglement,” people in the Middle East would now get into each other’s business even more than before. If that’s possible. |
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| MIDDLE EAST SIDE STORY Two tribes with violent histories, from two way-too-close neighborhoods, forced to coexist. Solution: Dance battle! CON: When the movie of this is made, it may be hard to find a fake nose big enough to stick on the guy playing the composer. |
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| ISRAEL/PALESTINE: THE 90S SITCOM Israel’s and Hamas’s hardline leaders are at the heart of this conflict. But what if Bibi Netanyahu and Ismail Haniyeh got stuck in the same elevator? Give them enough time, and even this dueling duo could eventually come to a position of common agreement: That they are both sociopathic assholes. |
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| EDUCATION, GOP-STYLE So much of the impasse between Israel and Palestine stems from two wildly divergent historical narratives. But why not take a page from the educational mandates being pushed by the likes of Ron DeSantis and Dennis Prager and simply eliminate all mention of unpleasant strife, oppression, and bad behavior from history? Israelis and Palestinians can find common cause by authoring a new joint narrative of the region’s history expressly designed around “not making white straight Christian kids uncomfortable.” |
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| ENEMY OF MY ENEMY Nothing brings together seemingly irreconcilable foes like a shared third entity to oppose…together. With all these supposedly well-meaning nations weighing in on the war, how about one of them volunteers to be the new hated foil? France? Popular classic. Russia? Easy in theory, terrifying in practice. Maybe a wild card like Madagascar? Even those who want to annihilate each other can agree we wish those annoying singing animals had never entered our children’s screens. |
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| | Hamas vs. Hummus | In this time of some polarization and binary discourse, it is increasingly difficult to make nuanced distinctions. We’ve noticed some confusion between a terrorist organization and a flavorful chickpea dip, so we offer this helpful table to distinguishing between the two: |
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| | How it Feels to Be Jewish in America Right Now | 1. Like you were innocently enjoying some delicious potato salad, but you’re slowly becoming sure that someone snuck some boiled turnips into this 2. Like people keep making a sad face when they see you and asking, “How’s Darlene?” even though you don’t know anyone named Darlene 3. Like you were having a really sexy dream but now you’re awake and your hair is all flat on one side 4. Like you’ve had the hiccups for weeks and people keep sneaking up and trying to scare them out of you and it’s really not working |
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| 5. Like someone you know vaguely was waving at you, and you waved excitedly back before you realized that they were waving at someone behind you 6. Like biting into a delicious-looking brownie at kiddush and realizing that it’s parve 7. Like your cat is stuck in a tree and your ladder is too short but you’re embarrassed to call the Fire Department again 8. Like you thought you tie-dyed your jeans really skillfully, but people keep trying to tactfully warn you that your period is leaking 9. Like your neighbors have been calling you “Larry” for the past 5 months, even though your name is actually Jeff. At least, you’re pretty sure your name is Jeff… 10. Like you’ve returned to Barbieland to find that Ken has turned your DreamHouse into a MojoDojoCasaHouse |
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| | Earn a Degree in Foreign Policy from TikTok |  | |
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| KIDZ KORNER | BRAIN TEASERS: Solve the riddles and guess the word or phrase! |
| 1. This begins with the letter A, and describes a system of separation by force that maintains the power of one ethnic group over another. Answer: A really complicated political dynamic! 2. This begins with the letter O, and describes a military presence that is forced upon another country or region, in order to restrict freedoms and control civilian life. Answer: Obviously a multi-faceted issue that must be carefully analyzed before we label it! 3. This begins with the letter G, and describes the mass slaughter of innocent civilians belonging to a specific ethnic group, committed by a more powerful ethnic group under the justification of war. Answer: Geopolitical Conflict! |
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| | T'ruah's Purim newsletter is brought to you by: Shira Danan, Julie Fishbach, Rabbi Marisa James, Rob Kutner, Rabbi Lev Meirowitz Nelson, and Rabbi Ruhi Sophia Motzkin Rubenstein. If you did not think this was the time to be funny and frankly are very offended, please email complaints@aipac.org. |
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