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In March of 2020, T’ruah program assistant Bennett Decker left a half-eaten Sabra classic hummus and pretzel snack pack on his desk at the end of the day, not realizing it would be his last time in the office for over a year. 

As the temperature rose, the hummus degraded, and the vacuum created by the sudden drop in carbon dioxide drew out tahini fluorocarbons that reacted with a highly flammable stack of 2016 gala invitations, ripping a hole in the fabric of space-time in the T’ruah conference room. 

Within nanoseconds, the very concept of “reality” became as meaningless as the sign in the office kitchen prohibiting microwaving fish. A multiverse of possible T’ruahs flooded into being. (Happy Purim!)

As a Jewish advocacy organization, we also look at the question of voting through a Torah* lens. We feel the Voting Rights Act was insufficiently tough. Luckily, over the centuries, Jews have have gotten really good at making things harder on ourselves!

In addition to the Voting Whites Act, other policy priorities for T’right include:

• Maximum Wage - for workers. For CEOs, a minimum wage of one trip to space per week.
• School Closures - Ended for public and private schools, made permanent for Hebrew school kids.
• Global Warming - Diverting all research funding into fighting Global Humidification.

*Torah here defined as “Just the bits about Israeli nationalism and homophobia, k thx bye!”

Our spring 2022 resource "A Very Brief Guide to Promoting Antisemitism" is getting rave reviews from the book-burning set! 

This edition features:

• 10 Hot New Stereotypes To Spread About Jews! Do they hate puppies? Yes they do. Do they kill all their houseplants? You know it! Bad at parallel parking? Do we really have to answer that? From having garlic breath to losing their keys, you can pretty much just make up whatever you want about Jews!
• Updated Conspiracies That Will Resonate With Gen Z! For example, Jews are behind a secret plot to force everyone to put down their phones and really connect. 
• A Text Study With All the Verses That Mention Jews Taking Over the World! There are a lot!
• Step-by-Step Instructions for Hiding Behind Self-Hating Jews! 
• Want to Be A Better Ally to Other Bigots? We've got tips for you!
• New Eco-Unfriendly T-Shirt Designs For This Spring's Riots! Guaranteed to be made unethically!

And a whole lot more...!

Not sure if something someone said or did was antisemitic? You don't have to wonder anymore--just use our simple at-home test! Makes a great bar mitzvah gift!

We wear masks indoors in public places. What is a mask? Dr. Fauci says only a KN-95. Dr Walensky says any face mask. Dr. Murthy says whatever the person will tolerate. But all agree that a bandana is not a mask. Secretary Becerra says: I was once in a supermarket and saw a person wearing a ski mask. I would have forbidden it, but since it was winter, I said nothing.

We remind children and teenagers to cover their noses, as it says, “What is concealed is for the ETERNAL our God; but what is revealed is for us and our children.” (Deuteronomy 29:28)

One who is exposed to Covid quarantines for five days. If before sundown, count that day. 

If he was not vaccinated, add five days. If vaccinated but not boosted, subtract two days.

One who intended to get vaccinated and got Covid, Dr. Dolittle and Dr. Who disagreed. One says exempt [from vaccination]; one says obligated.

What is “exposed”? Close contact with someone with Covid. Or is it not with one suspected of having Covid? In a case of doubt we are lenient if vaccinated and stringent if unvaccinated.

What is “close contact”? One who has spent a total of fifteen minutes in one day within 6 feet of someone found to have Covid. And if they are children in a classroom, some say 3 feet. And the parents disagree.

What is quarantine? Dr. Dre in the name of Doc McStuffins says: One does not leave the home. Doc Holiday says: One leaves the home only to be outside away from others. The sages say: One’s spirit is quarantined.

From where do we learn this? Doc McStuffins learns it from “People could not see one another, and for three days no one could get up from where he was” (Exodus 10:23). Doc Holiday learns it from “Let everyone remain where he is: let no one leave his place on the seventh day” (Exodus 16:29). The sages learn it from “None of you shall go outside the door of his house until morning” (Exodus 12:22).

These three days, what are they? The average minimum time to begin showing symptoms. These seven days, what are they? The average time to no longer be contagious after symptoms begin. This “until morning,” what is it? The morning of the soul.

T'ruah: Into the Multiverse is brought to you by Shira Danan, Rabbi Marisa James, Rob Kutner, Rabbi Ethan Linden, Rabbi Lev Meirowitz Nelson, Rabbi Bill Plevan, and Rabbi Ruhi Sophia Motzkin Rubenstein.